Earwig: on death, politics, booze, music and Jesus

A belated happy Administration Day to all of my devoted readers, both Sid and Doris Bonkers. By way of a card I give you but a small reminder of that day six years ago when we all learned to love jelly and ice cream again in the shape of this message that appeared on social media back in the day. Bill Miller, eh? Memories, memories.

earwig coffin

Death, politics, booze, music and Jesus – all subjects which seem to have featured prominently in my recent contributions to this blatt. All we need is Pot Noodle for a full house.

Indeed the story below seems to combine elements of the above. A favourite boozer of the Sevconians which, we hear, was wont to provide for its patrons the kind of music they bang drums to during the summer – bites the dust due to lack of funds and is then resurrected in another guise, although none of the bluenoses seem too keen to claim it as their own.

It even has a Miller connection!

earwig gay bar

“One day all of your bars will be attached to gay saunas,” to paraphrase a famous GB banner.

There are places inside Ibrox where corporate patrons can booze, of course, one of which is named “Club Europe”. “Think tapas, antipasti and other menus inspired by the continent as well as an extensive selection of Europe’s best wines and beers,” says the brochure.

Think one round then yer oot, says Sid’s review on Trip Adviser in a subtle (for him) allusion to the fourth best team in Luxembourg.

earwig billy cianis and his drinking goatAbove: This is what a real Ibrox hospitality suite should look like. Somewhere a man can relax over a few beers with his goat and his Satanist mates

There used to be a famous bar beside Ibrox. The Edmiston Club. World renowned artistes would play there on a Friday and Saturday, such as, er, Anita Harris. She’s seen performing there in The Big Clubs documentary made by that German bloke back in the 70s, schmoozing the crowd with patter like “You’ve been a wonderful audience” as they launch into a chorus of the Sash during one of her torch songs. It must have been the equivalent of the bush tucker trial for singers at the time. “Get through this,” says the agent, “and I’ll get you Blackpool for September Weekend.”

And then the venue lost its lustre, became a call centre during the reign of Sir Cheatalot before finally being sold to Charlie Green. At which point Brian McNally of the Daily Mirror had this exclusive published onFriday, 5 October 2012:

RANGERS want to turn Edmiston House, the building behind the Copland Stand, into a money making casino with a five star restaurant and cocktail bar. And the club expect former owner David Murray, who owns the near derelict building, to hand it over to Rangers for a token payment.

Maybe he could use the pound coin that ace conman and trickster Craig Whyte gave him for ownership of Rangers in May 2011. A deal which plunged Rangers into crisis, saw them put into administration and docked ten points, followed by liquidation and exile from European football, the Scottish Premier League and demotion to the Third Division.

Wow, quite a lot happened to them in that last paragraph, didn’t it? Plunged into crisis, administration then liquidation, with the corpse being subsequently exiled from European football then demoted to the third division. McNally finishes with a flourish:

Now I can exclusively reveal just what lay behind the determination of the new Rangers owners to get Edmiston House back from Murray. For the new Rangers regime want to turn into a money making casino. The new scheme is a downscaled version of David Murray’s oft touted grandiose, but never off the drawing board blueprint for a casino and five start hotel as part of a new Ibrox village complex.

Alas, Charlie was a bit too keen to start the redecorating and in the process of removing the fixtures and fittings managed to uncover a whole load of asbestos. Very expensive to remedy and most probably under the same to do list as the possible Regents Street Disease in the main stand (see NTV 254). Now one of the centrepieces of the Ibrox village complex is as attractive as downtown Chernobyl. Security for a Wonga loan from Close Brothers indeed.

No shortage of idiots to populate that village I would argue. All of the signatories to Willie MacRae’s Parliamentary motion, for example (see NTV 256) including Willie’s fellow religious zealot and politician Gregory Campbell.

As a guardian of all things cultural, Campbell is ever-vigilant. He once made the gaming company EA Sport apologise for mistakenly including A Soldier’s Song as the anthem for Northern Ireland in its Fifa computer game and in March 2013, Campbell raised a successful parliamentary motion to stop a one-off concept car made by motor company Kia from ever going into production. The show car was unveiled at the Geneva Motor Show, and was named “Provo” after the Italian word Provare, meaning trial or test.

Like Willie, he is involved in fundamentalist evangelical groups and while Gregory hasn’t cut any discs himself (as far as we know) he does take a keen interest in music. In December 2008, for example, he had a go at the singer Dido for her song “Let’s Do The Things We Normally Do”, which referenced lyrics from “The Men Behind the Wire”. But his special bile is reserved for James McClean, who stated on his Twitter account that his favourite song was the Broad Black Brimmer. “I’ve been watching him closely and knew he would slip up sooner or later,” said Campbell.

“He’s sad, bitter and pathetic,” said McClean.

In the wake of this the Tones invited Campbell to come and see one of their concerts. I don’t think he has taken the invitation up as yet.

So, Gregory, if you’re in the house instead of moshing at the front of the Wolfies and you’re fed up listening to Willie McCrae singing about the old wooden cross, then may I recommend you fix yourself a Pot Noodle and listen to this album by three ravers who go by the name of The Faith Tones. Just because it’s wholesome and not in the least bit disturbing or creepy.

earwig album

Toodloo the Noo
The Earwig

looklike doncaster and vern
looklike fergus and alfred

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s