Gordonballs

Johnstoneballs has been a regular feature in Not The View for a number of years now. As Big Derek himself might say, it made its debut for the first time in issue 27. The idea was copied from the satirical magazine Private Eye’s Colemanballs, named after the BBC’s sports broadcaster David of that ilk. We named our feature after the man who was to the art of broadcasting and the spoken word what Boy George is to rugby league.

Following a recent post containing a selection of commentator gaffes, a reader suggested that perhaps we should re-title the column. Despite this attempt at modernisation, we will retain the original title as a lasting tribute to the original Meister of Mince.

That said, if we ever were to choose a different broadcaster to name it after, one candidate springs to mind such has been the volume of his contributions over the years. Here’s just a small selection of some of Gordon “One Cell” Dalziel’s attacks of verbal Diarrhoea:

“These Rangers supporters have travelled up and down the breadth of this country supporting their team.”
GORDON DALZIEL
Clyde Superscoreboard

“Whoever is looking after the fact of Stevie May, if the money is right St. Johnstone will grab their hands off it.”
GORDON DALZIEL
Clyde Superscoreboard

“Alex, you’re standing there sitting the day…”
GORDON DALZIEL
Clyde Superscoreboard

“If Ally McCoist can keep the nuclear of the squad together…”
GORDON DALZIEL
Clyde Superscoreboard

“I think you’re right… but I disagree with you.”
GORDON DALZIEL
Clyde Superscoreboard

“You don’t have to have a great ray of coaching skills.”
GORDON DALZIEL
Clyde Superscoreboard

“Mark Hateley wrote the article in his column and I thought, I dunno, maybe he’s been misquoted.”
GORDON DALZIEL
Clyde Superscoreboard

“He was as calm as a cucumber.”
GORDON DALZIEL
Clyde Superscoreboard

“I was delighted last night to wake up this morning.”
GORDON DALZIEL
Clyde Superscoreboard

“A lot of the debate tonight is about being alcohol.”
GORDON DALZIEL
Clyde Superscoreboard

“I just don’t fear for the Rangers Football Club I fear for the full of Scottish football.”
GORDON DALZIEL
Clyde Superscoreboard

“The Rangers fans have been absolutely magnificent this season. They’ve fulled every ground they’ve visited.”
GORDON DALZIEL
Clyde Superscoreboard

“Lots of names are being brandied about.”
GORDON DALZIEL
Radio Clyde

“That’s Fran Sandaza being carried off and we hope all his best wishes go with him.”
GORDON DALZIEL
Clyde Superscoreboard

“I think the phones would be going off their hinges.”
GORDON DALZIEL
Clyde Superscoreboard

“If someone made you a great offer you would flick up your ears.”
GORDON DALZIEL
Radio Clyde

“It all bottles down to money.”
GORDON DALZIEL
Clyde Superscoreboard

“We need to draw a line under the sand.”
GORDON DALZIEL
Clyde Superscoreboard

“I see your point and you’re fingering it all to Dundee United.”
GORDON DALZIEL
Clyde Superscoreboard

“Celtic fans had such an opportunity to create Neil Lennon for his own history.”
GORDON DALZIEL
Clyde Superscoreboard

“We were indated with phone calls.”
GORDON DALZIEL
Clyde Superscoreboard

“The players were sweating with soak.”
GORDON DALZIEL
Clyde Superscoreboard

“Craig Whyte is the only person who’s stepped up to the door.”
GORDON DALZEIL
Clyde Superscoreboard

“Aluko has stepped up to the mantle…”
GORDON DALZEIL
Clyde Superscoreboard

“I think it’s unfair to banish names about when the manager is still in a job.”
GORDON DALZIEL
Radio Clyde

“I do not think for a million miles…”
GORDON DALZIEL
Radio Clyde

“Ally McCoist leaving Ibrox, the picture on his face tells a story.”
GORDON DALZIEL
Radio Clyde

“Ah’m gonnae put ma neck on the table here…”
GORDON DALZEIL
Radio Clyde

“There’s a lot of twists and tales to come.”
GORDON DALZIEL
Radio Clyde

(That’s enough Gordonballs – Ed)