In what has been a vintage season for hackwatchers, it seems appropriate to announce the return of the NTV Hackwatching awards after an absence of several years.
Simply cast your vote for the horse’s arse you feel most deserves one of our gongs and we will announce the winners in NTV 282, out this weekend. There might even be a wee prize for the best nominations.
Feel free to vote for the same hack in more than one category as it seems the Scottish media are not adverse to fishing from a very small gene pool when it comes to giving out jobs. Kris Boyd’s talents seem to have given him a lot of work recently, to use but one example.
Votes cen be sent to firstname.lastname@example.org or just reply to this post.
The categories are…
THE ‘HELP ME GET THE REMOTE OUT OF THE TELLY SCREEN’ Award for the TV football pundit most likely to have you tuning in to the QVC Shopping Channel.
Previous Winners: Scott Booth, Jabba, Billy Dodds, Craig Burley…
THE ‘MARCONI YOU BASTARD’ award for the radio pundit who you think has done most to hammer a few nails into the coffin of that particular medium.
Previous Winners: Hugh ‘Flanders’ Keevins, Jabba, Ewan Cameron, Mark Er Um Hateley, One Cell Dalziel, Derek Johnstone…
THE ‘FFS MELT HIM DOWN FOR GLUE’ award for the football pundit who has most outstayed his welcome.
Previous Winner: Chick Young, Jabba, Flanders, Gordon Waddell, Derek Johnstone…
THE ‘JIMMY OLSEN’ award for the pundit who has come away with the widest off the mark story (print).
Previous Winners: Swoop Guidi, Jabba, Keech Jacksie and everybody called Darryl who ever hacked out stories for a Scottish newspaper.
Keech Jacksie has even given us a phrase to rank down there with ‘Succulent lamb.”
THE WINALOT FOR LIFE achievement award for services to the Kinning Park giants.
Previous Winners: Chick Young, Jabba, Swoop Guidi, the Darryls and Mark Er Um Hateley.
THE ‘PASS ME THE AQUALUNG’ award for the hack furthest up the rectum of anybody connected with Ibrox (either incarnation).
Previous Winner: Chick Young, Mark Hateley and the Darryls (great name for a band). You never know if this might be the last year we will be awarding this so get your votes in before it’s too late.
The ‘UNCLE TIM’ award for the pundit who should be batting for Celtic but who has decided to stay in the pavillion and have an extra bowl of soup.
Previous Winner: Charlie Nicholas, Peter Martin/ McGuire and Flanders.
The ‘BEST OF A BAD BUNCH’ Award.
Previous Winner: Graeme Speirs, Richard Gordon and John Hartson
(This is the only category that the name Keith Jacksie has never appeared in)
This year’s three new categories are
The FIFTH COLUMN award for the pundit you think is doing a decent job for Celtic behind enemy lines.
The WITTERING ON TWITTER Award for the pundit who has embraced the new media and done most to abuse it by making it an extension of their dreary print columns.
The STANLEY UNWIN Award for the talking head who can barely string a coherent sentence together.
Look forward to hearing from you.