Dear NTV,

As a keen student of First World War aviation you can imagine my shock when I came across the attached picture in a book I was reading about the subject.

Who knew our gallant airmen were dropping sectarian shells over the Western Front in 1916?

Yours clutching my pearls,
Air Vice Marshall Biggles
Biggin Hill

if I was a rich man

Dear NTV,

Apparently our majority shareholder Dermot desmond is a billionaire.

That means he has more money than he could ever possibly spend in the one lifetime.

Now, I know it’s not up to me to tell him how to spend it, but if it was me and I had all that cash then I would offer BDM – liquidators of Rangers FC 1972 (look it up Keith Jackson) – a satisfactory sum to buy RFC PLC (now RFC 2012) out of liquidation.

Once their coffin had been exhumed I would then challenge the SFA/SPFL in court as to why “my” historic titles have been given to another club (or to be more specific, bought by another club).

It would be quite funny, I think, to see them squirming under oath trying to justify their actions and give credence to the 5-way shuffle. Hell, it might even tempt me to tune in to Superscoreboard, just for one night.

Yours in court
Lord Elpus
by email

view to a kill

Dear NTV,

Is it just me or does this bit of roadkill (above) remind anybody else of the Castore logo (complete with bits peeling off)?

Adi Dassler
by email

gritty opponent

Dear NTV,

I know that you take an interest in misbehaving mascots so you might be interested in a recent court case over here in the States.

The father of a 13-year-old boy claimed that the Philadelphia Flyers mascot Gritty punched his son in the back after a November 2019 meet-and-greet event for season ticket holders. The police conducted an investigation into the alleged incident and decided there wasn’t a case.

Photo attached should you want to discuss whether it’s a weirder mascot than that Partick Thistle thing.

by email

shooting party on

Dear NTV,

These are difficult times, what with not being able to go to Celtic Park and everything.

Having given this a great deal of thought (two minutes while standing in the queue for my medication) I propose to let some grouse loose inside the stadium on the eve of the next home game. That way 30 of us could legitimately get inside armed with shotguns on the pretext of hunting with them, on the promise that we wouldn’t discharge any weapons during the game.

What do you think?

Yours etc.
Sir Bufton Tufton CSC
Henley on the Wold

Ed replies: NTV grouse shooting party ready and waiting:

180 page PDF issue out now. Free to subscribers. If you have a subscription but we don’t have your email address please get in touch.

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