We couldn’t let February pass without paying our respects to the end of a Scottish institution. We all know where we were when momentous events were reported. The JFK assasination, the first moon landing, the day billionaire Craig Whyte took over at Ibrox. Four years on, the Govan Bugle asked our readers, “Where were you when you heard Rangers were going to be liquidated?”
“I was driving up the M6 with a fishing rod, some chicken sandwiches and two cans of lager.”
P. Gascoigne
Tyneside
“Despite the recession we were interviewing for some more staff. We sensed a boom period ahead.”
Nardini’s
Largs
“I was looking in the bathroom mirror getting ready for a Valentine’s dinner and a saucy night in. With myself.”
Gordon Smith
Ibrox
“I was down the job centre looking for a nursing job thanks to all these cut backs due to tax dodgers.”
Florence Nightingale
Crimea
“I was watchin’ the big Monday game on the box. I was invited to Ibrox but some fires are just too big to put out.”
Red Adair
Houston
“I was chasing after Celtic, then someone pulled my legs away from me.”
Bill Struth
Dark Ages
“One was just aff the phone to my tax collectors.”
Madge
The palace (you choose I’ve a few)
“I was having a break, on hearing the news I picked up my scythe and started sharpening.”
The Grim Reiper
Angel of Death
“Me and Boo Boo were out stealing a camper’s picnic. There will be a free for all with no Rangers.”
Yogi
Yellowstone Park
“I was standing in the queue to catch a flight to Outer Mongolia.”
C Whyte
London
“I was waiting at the ATM to withdraw the next instalment of my salary to pay to Rangers.”
S. Aluko
Kinning Park
“I was washing David Murray’s scrotum.”
James Traynor
Lancefield Quay
“I was having my ears syringed… Pardon?”
P. Nevin
Easter Road
“I was out the back with my head stuck in the kid’s sand pit”
Dadid Edgar
Bonkersville
“I was about to sit down to some curds and whey when I heard the news. Had some jelly and ice cream instead.”
Little Miss Muffet
On a tuffit
“I was off to bed so it’s good night from me and good night for them.”
Ronnie Corbet
CBE (most kind ma’am for a double whammy)
“I was just coming out the tardis coming back from the ten in row celebrations in 2022.”
Doctor Who
The Tardis
“I was in the kitchen with egg on my face.”
Kirk Broadfoot
My kitchen
“I was wandering round a supermarket desperately trying to find some monster munch.”
Kris Boyd
Kilmarnock
“I was enjoying some sangria watching the sun go down from my lounger.”
Fergus McCann
Bahamas
“I was in Greggs buying up stocks of last week’s rancid pies at knockdown prices. Yum yum.”
D. Mingwall
Glasgow
“I’ve no idea if I’ll be getting overtime every second Saturday but at the time I was pissing myself.”
The Laughing Policeman
Peel Street
“I was sacking Vienna. I’ll be rampaging around Europe after the 31st March whatever UEFA say.”
Attila the Hun
Vienna
“I was singing the Billy Boys on a motorway hard shoulder to the love of my life, Archie Knox. Can’t remember if it was the news that caught my breath or the flashing blue lights in my wing mirror”
Craig Brown
M9
“I was choking on a fish pie.”
Queen Mum
Glamis
How should I know where I was? I was pissed as a fart.”
Alan McGregor
Murray Park
“I was organising my Rangers – eh – St Mirren programme collection.”
Chick Young
BBC
“I was sending a text to some of my ex-colleagues at the SFA.”
Hugh Bonkers
Dallas
“I was on my way to hell.”
Ian Paisley
Belfast
“I was planning on buying a Scottish football club. I hear the SFA will let anybody pass a fit a proper person test.”
A Hitler
Paraguay
“I was taking part in the World Doughnut Eating Championship.”
Ally McCoist
Milngavie
“I was arresting Aiden McGeady for speeding.”
PC William McOrangeman
Moscow (temporary posting)
“I was having a bit of a do with my old Rangers buddies.”
General George Armstrong Custer
Little Big Horn
“I was writing a press release for Rangers.”
J Goebbels
The Bunker
Berlin
“I was going like the clappers. I thought I was filthy but I don’t go down as fast as Rangers.”
Debbie
Dallas
“That’s enough made up phone-calls to the Bugle Hotline.”
ntvcelticfanzine.com 