Hackwatcher Awards 2024

Awards season is with us again so it’s time to get your nominations in for the Hackwatching Awards 2023.

Simply cast your vote for the horse’s arse you feel most deserves one of our gongs and we will announce the winners in NTV 300, due out before the end of the season. There might even be a wee prize for the best nominations.

Feel free to vote for the same hack in more than one category as it seems the Scottish media are not adverse to fishing from a very small gene pool when it comes to giving out jobs. Kris Boyd’s talents seem to have given him a lot of work recently, to use but one example.

Votes can be sent to letters@ntvcelticfanzine.com.

The categories are…

THE ‘HELP ME GET THE REMOTE OUT OF THE TELLY SCREEN’ Award for the TV football pundit most likely to have you tuning in to the QVC Shopping Channel.

Previous Winners: Scott Booth, Jabba, Billy Dodds, Craig Burley, Kris Boyd.

Currently held by: Kris Boyd.

THE ‘MARCONI YOU BASTARD’ award for the radio pundit who you think has done most to hammer a few nails into the coffin of that particular medium.

Previous Winners: Hugh ‘Flanders’ Keevins, Jabba, Ewan Cameron, Mark Er Um Hateley, One Cell Dalziel, Derek Johnstone, Kenny McIntyre.

Currently held by: Kenny McIntyre of Radio shortbread.

THE ‘FFS MELT HIM DOWN FOR GLUE’ award for the football pundit who has most outstayed his welcome.

Previous Winner: Chick Young, Jabba, Flanders, Gordon Waddell, Derek Johnstone, Hugh Keevins.

Currently held by: Flanders – Radio Clyde.

THE ‘JIMMY OLSEN’ award for the pundit who has come away with the widest off the mark story (print).

Previous Winners: Swoop Guidi, Jabba, Keech Jacksie and everybody called Darryl who ever hacked out stories for a Scottish newspaper.
Currently held by: Hugh Keevins – Daily Rectum.

THE WINALOT FOR LIFE achievement award for services to the Kinning Park giants. Previous Winners: Chick Young, Jabba, Swoop Guidi, the Darryls and Mark Er Um Hateley, Kenny McIntyre.

Currently held by: Kenny Miller for his comparison of the sevco attack to Liverpool’s trio of Sane, Sala and the other one prior lo Liverpool beating sevco 7:1 at Ibrox in theChampions League.

THE ‘PASS ME THE AQUALUNG’ award for the hack furthest up the rectum of anybody connected with Ibrox (either incarnation).

Previous Winner: Chick Young, Mark Hateley and the Darryls (great name for a band), Keith Jackson.

Curently held by: Keith Jacksie – Daily Rectum.

The ‘UNCLE TIM’ award for the pundit who should be batting for Celtic but who has decided to stay in the pavilion and have an extra bowl of soup.

Previous Winner: Charlie Nicholas, Peter Martin/ McGuire, Flanders abd Andy Walker.

Currently held by: Andy Walker.

The ‘BEST OF A BAD BUNCH’ Award.

Previous Winner: Graeme Speirs, Richard Gordon, John Hartson and Michael Stewart.

Currently held by: Michael Stewart.

(This is the only category that the name Keith Jacksie has never appeared in)

The FIFTH COLUMN award for the pundit you think is doing a decent job for Celtic behind enemy lines.

Currently held by: Chris Sutton.

The WITTERING ON TWITTER Award for the pundit who has embraced social media and done most to abuse it by making it an extension of their dreary print columns.
Currently held (jointly) by: Tom English and Euan Murray.

Currently held by: David Tanner.

The STANLEY UNWIN Award for the talking head who can barely string a coherent sentence together.

Currently held by: Kris Boyd

Look forward to hearing from you.

Hackwatcher